This Girl Called Loneliness.

Loneliness.

It started out as an abstract concept you’d heard of. One that reeked of negativity and conjured cliché images in your mind of an old lady surrounded with lots of cats. Beyond that, you couldn’t relate. It was just some concept that described one being alone and having nobody.

Until you encountered it.

It came knocking at your door one random, unassuming day under the guise of being polite. What a façade it was though, because it was anything but polite. You need not have bothered answering when it knocked, for no sooner had it knocked than it threw your door open, walked in and made itself comfortable. And it hasn’t left since.

It went everywhere with you, cast upon you like a pungent shadow. Creeping up on you at the least expected moments, hanging heavy on the tendrils of your heart as though to make sure you never forgot that it was there.

It became human to you. An unavoidable presence, she was always there. Yes, she. Subtle but dominant, unassuming but determined, underestimated but very much powerful.

This girl called Loneliness.

One fine day at your favourite outdoor restaurant, you sat at a choice table eating some dessert and indulging in your Book of the Month. Or at least you pretended to. Loneliness sat in the chair next to you as was habit of her. Making herself comfortable as though you were out on some date and she was footing the bill.

In reality, you were just skimming through the pages. Much of your attention was invested rather in glancing surreptitiously at all the paired-up couples laughing heartily and leaning toward each other like weeping willows.

Completely smitten and marinating in the air of romance that weaved in and out of trees that stood tall and proud. That was the atmosphere this restaurant usually marketed anyway. Romance. It was the hotspot for dates. You should’ve known better than to pick there.

As you sat there observing, you tried to suppress the all too familiar thought that would often grace the corridors of your mind.

‘When will it be me?’

But of course you picked that restaurant. Because deep down, you were trying to convince yourself that you loved going out with yourself almost as much as you did going out with a loved one or partner. And yes, it had a ring of truth to it, sure. You very much liked the idea of being so secure in your identity that you didn’t need anybody else to have a good time. But that was just an idea. A fantasy of sorts. In reality, you carried Loneliness on your back like a hunch.

And so it would be, for what seemed like years. That you would keep trying to hang with yourself and actually enjoy it, and that Loneliness would rudely intrude and convince you that the company of two is better than one anyway.

And maybe she’s right.Yes, she may very well be right.

Maybe you should give up and embrace her, and stop trying to act like she’s not there.

Maybe you should just admit that you’re lonely, and acknowledge her presence for what it is. Maybe then, she’ll leave you alone.

Or maybe not…